Just cropdusted the office
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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