I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
