Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
