Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
