Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
