I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
A bitchslap is in order.
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