I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
