i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
