oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You're like the curious george of whores
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
