I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
