i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
