Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
