the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
