who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
