I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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