I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
