Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
