I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
