I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
