I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
