You smell like stripper and shame
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
