Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If that was your dad, he is hot
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
