just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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