if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Too much gin, very little bucket
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
