i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
