Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
