tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
