throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
