you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
