I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
