i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
