Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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