last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
