I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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