Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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