Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm bleeding and have questions
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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