I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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