I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I need water and some morals
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
