We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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