so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
