The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
