he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
