I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
They are going to name an STD after you.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
