I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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