After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
