If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
