So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think my moral compass just broke
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