Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
