i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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