Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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